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Dec. 24th, 2008 10:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
drewkittyI visited my childhood parish church tonight. They are open to visitors on this day. I looked at it and at the rituals of its faith with a clear and open eye.
I saw clearly that I could not partake and that this part of my childhood is closed to me.
"When I became a man, I put away childish things." While I have great respect for my Christian friends, and for anyone who sincerely walks that path, this quote captures how I feel now about Christianity.
I cannot delegate my moral and ethical responsibility to an institution such as a Church.
I honor the teachings of the Carpenter of Nazareth, and have drawn both wisdom and comfort from them, but I do not believe in his divinity, intercession for sins, or the "Good News" that following him leads to life eternal.
This makes a Christian church a cold place for me on any night, even this one.
I must carry the weight of my sins alone. I cannot lend them to another, whether divine or mortal. I can make amends and resolve to do what I believe is right, but I cannot experience the absolution of sins that is offered to Christians.
I wonder if Christians can see people like us outside the glass, and what they think.
I also figured out that after much thought, I am correct in thinking that my step-family owes me nothing, and that I owe them rather less than nothing. The gap between their faith and their practice is their problem, not mine, and if they had intended me to be a member of the family, they would have made it clear long before my father's death.
This holiday will be a badly needed day of rest for me, but little more ... plus a parcel of brutal memories.
I saw clearly that I could not partake and that this part of my childhood is closed to me.
"When I became a man, I put away childish things." While I have great respect for my Christian friends, and for anyone who sincerely walks that path, this quote captures how I feel now about Christianity.
I cannot delegate my moral and ethical responsibility to an institution such as a Church.
I honor the teachings of the Carpenter of Nazareth, and have drawn both wisdom and comfort from them, but I do not believe in his divinity, intercession for sins, or the "Good News" that following him leads to life eternal.
This makes a Christian church a cold place for me on any night, even this one.
I must carry the weight of my sins alone. I cannot lend them to another, whether divine or mortal. I can make amends and resolve to do what I believe is right, but I cannot experience the absolution of sins that is offered to Christians.
I wonder if Christians can see people like us outside the glass, and what they think.
I also figured out that after much thought, I am correct in thinking that my step-family owes me nothing, and that I owe them rather less than nothing. The gap between their faith and their practice is their problem, not mine, and if they had intended me to be a member of the family, they would have made it clear long before my father's death.
This holiday will be a badly needed day of rest for me, but little more ... plus a parcel of brutal memories.
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Date: 2008-12-25 08:10 am (UTC)While the ideals and and not a few of the practices are well and good in general, those who pay only lip service to their ideals and beliefs are the worst kind of hypocrites.
I do believe, like many of us paganos, that we, ourselves have the capability to do both great good and great evil. I also believe that everything comes back to us several times over what we put in(depends on the path a person takes).
Be safe and well and may you be able to find some healing within yourself.
Brightest blessings be upon all of us!