May I Have Your Attention Please

[drewkitty]

This post is directed to everyone I know, and everyone I don't for that matter, but with a particular emphasis and great respect towards the opposite gender.

From Now On And Henceforth,

It is OK for you to set solid and distinct boundaries and reinforce them immediately and dramatically when crossed (“mean”)

It is OK for you to appear distraught or emotional (“crazy”)

It is OK for you to make personal decisions that the adults or other peers in your life do not agree with, and It is also OK to refuse to explain those decisions to others (“stuck-up”)

It is OK for you to refuse to agree with somebody, over and over and over again (“angry”)

It is OK for you to have (or express) conflicted, fluid, or experimental feelings about yourself, your body, your sexuality, your desires, and your needs (“got daddy issues”)

It is OK for you to use your physical strength (if you have it) to set physical boundaries (“dyke”)

It is OK for you to raise your voice (“shrill”)

It is OK for you to completely and utterly shut down somebody who obviously likes you (“mean dyke/frigid”)


If it helps, think of Lady Sally of the infamous Lady Sally's Place saying the above in a faux-British accent. Of course, she says it better than even this, in a single sweeping quote, but you'll have to read that in one of the books where she appears as a character.



I have done several "reversal rewrites" of Other People's Stuff. The above was originally expressed as negatives by Fugitivus in her blog here.

This post brought to you by posts and comments here and especially here.

Of course I must also credit Spider Robinson and his book Callahan's Lady.

Thanks for your time.

Comments

[cheesybunny.livejournal.com]

I know that these things are ok, but I start to get upset when it starts seeming like certain ones become necessary when dealing with some people.

As I see it, empowerment is very important, but I think there needs to be more emphasis on how we can improve behavior and ideas about gender roles/relationships. I guess the thing with that is that the people who really need to learn about respect and consent are the ones that are pretty unlikely to listen or even understand why it is so important.

[drewkitty.livejournal.com]

I agree with everything you've said. Yes, I'm posting this with a con about to start.

>> I guess the thing with that is that the people who really need to learn about respect and consent are the ones that are pretty unlikely to listen or even understand why it is so important.

Exactly the problem. The challenge is to thwack these aggressors into listening (preferred), put obstacles between them and potential victims (including the victims themselves, as needed), and/or stop them however and wherever we can.

Neither the burden nor the blame of chasing off a thug should be dumped on the would-be victim. Decisive action by the target of aggression is the last opportunity to avoid a worse outcome. This is fundamentally unfair but the unfairness is itself a product of the situation.

There are other options. One of the most powerful is to make sure that Other People Know about Asshats of his type -- one failing particular to fandom is excessive tolerance of such. Another which I sometimes feel is overlooked is to make certain that The Asshat themselves knows that their behavior is Not OK, either by being told directly or by the use of the clue-by-four, applied by a larger group or by known peers or acquaintances of the Asshat in question. A third is ostracism and/or banishment, which in extreme cases may require legal action.

All of this said, it only takes one Asshat without a listening bone in his body to require the application of a Real (TM) Two By Four, verbal or physical as the situation and/or the law dictates.

[rye-bunny.livejournal.com]

Interesting stuff, I've been reading PLFM and WWHM. Funny/serious blogs that aren't updated all that often. The messages are similar to the links you've posted, I've never encountered the message before. It was that "you were raised to be a non-confrontational good girl, and that is not always the right reaction".

I have a hard time yelling at people, I've only ever done it once. I have experienced unwanted attention in the past - some of it pretty serious and some of it pretty WTF* and I have always been...frozen in the face of such an unexpected situation. I literally can't say anything. Weasel (the blogger) said something along of the lines of "fathers, teach your daughters to say no". I think it is an important message, and one not really considered by a lot of people, like it would make their kid a brat or something. I wish I could go back in time, and get mad, yell and say "what you just was WRONG" but I can't, and I know if it happens again I probably still wont say it...

But it is nice to see the message elsewhere too, it's nice to know that other people might be considering it, might understand.



*which I will elaborate on, a guy I kind-of know said "excuse me, but I just have to do this" and LICKED MY LEG EWWW EWW EWWWWW I wasn't even talking to him before he did it, so it's not like he was delusional as to think I was flirting with him or anything. It was the middle of the day and we were both sober, ffs.